Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
