she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
