If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize