he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
