Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
