Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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