new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
