I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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