Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I color on your dick again?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
