Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
