your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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