woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
