I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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