What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
