and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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