Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
