Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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