was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
