wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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