Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
