at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
