I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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