The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
