Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
