so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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