I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
