you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
