Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
