I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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