there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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