I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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