im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
