listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
