I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
