i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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