I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
