nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
