new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
