So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
