More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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