you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That accounts for only three of the penises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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