Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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