so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
