There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
