remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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