Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
