My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
