HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
