the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
