Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
