so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize