I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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