Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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