how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
