Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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