Barsexuality is the new black.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
