Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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