Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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