i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
