yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
