ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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