she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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