I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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