You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
