yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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