Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
