My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so explain again why im purple
no
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
