remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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