im about as happy as oj after his trial
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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