words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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