we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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