Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
