This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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