"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
