I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
